he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
