she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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