Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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