Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
