He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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