I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
