belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
