you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
ttyl tear gas
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
