The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
