two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
