well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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