i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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