I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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