dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
