i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
