mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
