Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You took a bar mat shot.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
