Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
