lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
