I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
