Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
