Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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