Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
