i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
