I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize