God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I pour the whiskey from now on
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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