in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
