I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
