My underwear smells like fireworks.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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