do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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