THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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