I wannas sexs uuuuu
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
