Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
