so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
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The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
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He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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