Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
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"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
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Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize