I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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