Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
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I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
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You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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