I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
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All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
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i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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