Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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