guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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