I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
