Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
