no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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