Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
