He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My bed is full of blood and feathers
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
