and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
