My room smells like vodka and shame
I love black thongs
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
