one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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