I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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