Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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