I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Congratulations! We have a period
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