Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
