Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
