sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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