I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
