Buhtt sex?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
MIDGETS
????
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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