the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
