Umm I'm too high to move.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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