**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Randomize
