In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
