I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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