I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
