toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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